You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize