Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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