and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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