yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
