laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
