I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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