Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
