Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
