I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
