What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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