i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
