Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
