TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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