My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
