That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
