Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
