Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
