my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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