did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
