One girl and one boy is just not enough.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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