Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
