matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
