you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Quick, to the slutcave!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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