Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think i have two assholes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
