I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
