take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
