If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just high enough for therapy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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