The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
soo... how was my night?
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