I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
try to milk me bitch
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