I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
