Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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