Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
