Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
