when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
