i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize