Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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