I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
