ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
