This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
