WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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