Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
