i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
