Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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