dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
