my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
