we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
