First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
third nipple confirmed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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