remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
