If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
