My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
