There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
