FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
