Sponge bath it is.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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