Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
