So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
