there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
