Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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