sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
