fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
