i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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