The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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