I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
