JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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