I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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