You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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