apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
