She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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