I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
