i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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