Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
