You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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